the first thing i tried was a sort of surreal type of bullying. basically, i got on a public bus, waited for an unsuspecting target (a pregnant hispanic woman, actually) and just went off on her in a bizarre incoherent rant. she was more than perturbed and i got kicked off the bus, but at the end of the day, i was only mildly amused by the episode.

the next thing i tried was antisocial behavior. i went to a nearby university and found a group of spartacists handing out socialist newspapers. so i joined them and helped give them out. this was actually remarkably boring.

after that, i needed some real entertainment. for this, i stole a game of monopoly from a department store, then went to a strip club and put monopoly money in the dancers' lingerie in lieu of tips. i have to admit, this was pretty god damned funny, but i could have landed myself in some serious shit if i hadn't gotten out when i did.

finally, it was getting dark and i was getting bored, so i went to one of those used sporting goods places, got a cheap five iron, and beat the hell out of a homeless guy. fore! actually, i felt pretty bad about that and the guilt took most of the flavor out of the experience. somehow i couldn't shake the feeling that this guy didn't deserve it.

well, i should explain. when i ran into the guy, he tried to sell me some kind of newspaper. not wanting the damn thing anyway, i proposed a trade: one of my socialist newspapers for whatever the fuck he was peddling. i tried to explain that the workers united would never be defeated and that the only way he would raise himself out of poverty was through revolutionary action, but he became hostile. eventually he started calling me a commie and that's when i decided this was the homeless guy i wanted to beat. still, i think a little gramsci goes a long way toward explaining his psychological condition, so i don't think he was entirely responsible for his sassiness -- hence my misgivings.

anyway, my experience was in most respects fairly unrewarding. ultimately, i was only able to screw with the dregs of society, since i'd've almost certainly gotten arrested if the woman on the bus had been white or if i had hospitalized a businessman instead. one of the great things about internet trolling is that people of some reasonable social status and education willingly walk into it, simultaneously providing moral cover and much more satisfying victims. meanwhile, there's nothing criminal going on and no one is seriously hurt, so there's not too much to worry about or spoil the flavor.

all in all, i've found localroger's analogies somewhat hollow. at the same time, though, the experience i've has shown me a different perspective on trolling. for example, given what i've noted above about the social and educational standing of the potential victims the internet offers, why am i still hanging around here? perhaps my sentimentality is robbing me of a much more rewarding experience available elsewhere...